One thing I know for sure
Growing up, I figured people that come together stay together, in love. I had my family to look at growing up so I saw marriages and commitments and love and children and all those other things that connote a stable and “fulfilled” life. Then I grew up, and life happened. I realized that contrary to popular belief, time does not heal everything, it just distracts you, possibly numbs you to the same experiences to come in the future. I don’t know about others, but I don’t seem to learn from my mistakes. A part of that stems from my need to prove to myself, my choices are always borne of excellent judgment. With time I have realized a lot of things though. I have realized there are some bonds in my life that I will never be able to define, wouldn’t want to either. There is a certain inexplicable charm associated with sharing but not knowing what you share. It makes the bond seem a lot more beautiful and mysterious, feels like “life” is happening to you, whatever that could mean.
I realized there are some relationships that I happened to stumble upon by pure chance, and while I was caught up living them, I wondered where I had been all along, and where had they. Then I realized this was it, “life” happening to me all over again. I still can’t understand why it happens that you meet someone in life and they are everything you have always been looking for and yet you can’t have them in the form you would like to. It would be so much easier for all parties involved, if everyone felt the way the other does, for them. A mutual need fulfilled by the time spent in each others’ presence.
I have been in love and then some. I have known and felt what it is like to put someone else before you. It is an interesting experience and that is primarily why I am in awe of people who say they have been in love a lot, because it makes me wonder just how selfless and brave they must be to put themselves out there like that. I could barely get by with my first; I was so caught up in the feeling. The idea that I as a person enamored someone made me hold myself in high regard. I liked the idea. It reinforced my faith in the wonder that I am. And then I began to see him for him, for the man he is, for the man he wants to be. That is when I realized, we are all the same. As fiercely as we may defend our individualism, we are all the same. There is no getting away from it. But ill speak for myself when I say, I feel the need to belong. I want to know I matter. I would like to hear my being alive makes a difference to a life in more ways than one. And the life in question needs to be more than that of a friend or family. The life in question needs to be a lot more than that but a little less than life itself; else they by definition are indispensable, and I have realized with time and experience that no one really is…..
